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Couldn’t think about it. Couldn’t let myself see what was really happening. I sat down in the booth Dave had vacated and tried to capture John’s face in my mind. Tried to see him as he’d been the first time we’d spoken. The first time he’d said my name. The first time we’d kissed. But his face eluded me. Bits of him surged into my memory, the baseball caps he always wore, his hands—the lovely long fingers and rounded fingertips, the short salt and pepper hair, the way his earlobes weren’t attached like mine were, the carpet of coarse hairs on his chest, where I’d so loved to lay my head. His face, though. I couldn’t picture his face. My last words to him had been angry ones. Remembering them, replaying them in my mind, my fingers clenched, nails biting into my palms. I hadn’t given him a chance to explain, knowing no explanation could ever make things right between us again. He’d lied, and that’s all there was to it. Liars were anathema to me. There’d been too many lies and too much. I was almost finished making copies when the doorbell rang. I used the intercom to make sure it was Rick and invited him up.He told me he brought beer and asked me if I wanted one. It sounded like just what I needed.I was burning the last disk when he came in with two cold beers about five minutes later. He took his seat and talked as we waited for the last disk to finish. I pointed out his stack and asked him again if he still wanted to fuck Paula.He sighed and said, "I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but no. I couldn't imagine myself so much as looking up her skirt after what I saw yesterday."He shuddered and then exclaimed, "How does a woman get that fucked up?!" I wish I knew! All this time I thought I was living with an ice cube. I have no idea where all that kinky shit came from. It must be something she picked up while she was attending that Catholic Church with her parents."I was just about to start the video from the bookstore last night when I saw that Paula had.
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